I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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