Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
