She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
