No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
