Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
