im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
