I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
