I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
