i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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