Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
