I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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