Where did you get a picture of my penis
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Congratulations! We have a period
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
