I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
