You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
