Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
