I want to make a zoo with you.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
