It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
