Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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