Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
