yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
