you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
