Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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