Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
