I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
