I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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