I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My breasts were aching with rage.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
