Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
