I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
