I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
