i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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