did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
