My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
