Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
