dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
