i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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