maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
