wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
