The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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