you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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