Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
