I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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