Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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