The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
