Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Holy sore nipples Batman
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
