The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
