my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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