I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And then he peed in my hair
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