I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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