Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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