oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
