I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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