i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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