Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
