i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
