worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
