Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
